Not a great week. I thought my energy would pick up as the weather cooled off a bit, but if anything it’s been the opposite, where I’ve been feeling weirder and more out of sorts as the temperature drops from melting to merely scorching. I’ve been feeling so consistently out of sorts in such a myriad of little different ways that I worry I might be fighting off a cold or something, but there’s not really a lot I can do about it either way. It’s made getting work done difficult, as I alternate daily from extremely sleepy to extremely uncomfortable and irritable.
Now: Though no big progress has been made, I’m starting to get back into a position where such progress is at least feasible again. I’ve starting sketching out the outline of the particle/detail editor, mostly writing the interface drawing code using functionality that isn’t actually there yet but should be quite easy to build in. The idea of what it’s going to be like when it’s done is starting to manifest, but there’s a lot to be done on that path: Hopefully, though, I’ll have something concrete to show for it by this time next week. Or, ideally, a day earlier, since these were supposed to go up on Saturdays.
Sometimes I go for a long time without getting much done, and I have to remind myself that it’s not always like this – that the me who finds it difficult to work now or, indeed, to countenance the thought of ever working again, that doesn’t define who I am. Of course, the flip side of that is true as well, and my workaholic self, dedicated to manifesting ideas, is a similarly narrow vertical slice of my personality – though it’s less necessary to forcibly remind myself of that, because it inevitably becomes obvious anyway.
All of that might sound negative, but it’s not, it’s just pragmatic. I’ve heard these phases often analogized with the weather (and, indeed, the two frequently correspond): You can’t stop the rain, just wait for it to pass or, perhaps, do your best to slog your way to work through it, knowing full well you’ll be late and only able to get a cursory amount of progress in before the office closes. It’s important to make that trek sometiems, though. If you stop going just because it’s cold and wet, sad and hard and overwhelming, if you wait for too long, you might forget how to get back.
Even if for no other reason, I put in at least a bit every day, just so I can find my way back.